More Lessons from Heart Mountain...

     Last time I talked about some of the things I have learned because of my nemesis, Heart Mountain.  Well, it seems as though there was more to learn.  It's been a while now since we made the hike.  Sister Aitken and I are grateful for our full recovery from that day, although it did take some time.  

     This last week or so, I had been having a hard time (more so with myself than with anyone else.)  I felt discouraged and knew that I was not fulfilling my potential as a missionary.  Sister Aitken and I decided we were going to make some changes.  We wanted to set some goals.  Yesterday, when we were talking, she related our goals to Heart Mountain.  If certain people weren't pushing us up that mountain, we would have given up.  We wouldn't have made it even close to all the way...

   And I can be a lot like a chameleon sometimes.  My personality is in there somewhere but many times I can become a different person, depending on who I am around.  This is not something I am super proud of but I am aware that it is one of my traits.  And I know we can't go through this life alone.  I'm not saying I have to do it all alone.  But how can I live my life, always relying on someone else to make me better?  So, I got to thinking... Who am I when no one else is around?  Who am I when no one else is influencing me?  Who do I want to be?

     I know that I need to learn how to push myself.  First, I needed to figure out who I want to be and  what I'll have to do differently to be that person.  Here are the three things that I decided I need to work on at this point in my life:  

1. I want to stop being selfish and be able to forget myself  more.  

2. (which goes along with 1) I want to have charity;  pure, unconditional,  Christlike love for everyone.

3.  I want to be diligent.  Even when I'm tired or discouraged, I want to be strong and put one foot in front of the other.

So I set some goals and posted them up on my wall in my room.  

     Last night and today, I have already had opportunities to make a choice.  Unexpected things came up and we had to choose who we wanted to be, because no one else would force us.  Today, I'm proud of myself for making some good choices.  But I think there will be opportunities every single day, where I will have to make that choice.  Changes take time, but they are not impossible!  This will be a process but I know I can improve and make positive changes.  I know that because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ I can be forgiven and become more like Him.

Heart Mountain

     I named my blog 'mountains2climb' because I feel like that has been a recurring theme in my life.  There have been many mountains to climb but I have been able to conquer a lot and I am grateful for that.  I also knew there would be more to come.  On Monday, July 9, my zone (a group of missionaries in this area) decided to climb a literal mountain.  Heart Mountain.  It is the 26th tallest peak in Wyoming, apparently and about 7 1/2 miles to go up and back (or so I've been told...)  They also told us that this would take 2 1/2 hours or so to get up the mountain and maybe a couple more to get down.  (That part was definitely not true.)

     I've never liked hiking much, for a couple of reasons...  First, I'm not terribly active and not too fond of pushing myself to the point of exhaustion.  Second, I have asthma, which I feel like is a pretty legitimate excuse.  Any kind of cardiovascular activity results in me not being able to breathe.  So I wasn't too thrilled about this plan. 

     We started up the trail and after a few minutes, I couldn't breathe.  I used my inhaler and took a short rest.  I told everyone in our group that I was going to really slow them all down and that I most likely wouldn't make it all the way before I'd turn around and come back.  My companion, Sister Aitken was perfectly fine with hiking for an hour or so and then coming back down.  So we got up and went on a little further.  Again, I couldn't breathe and had to take a short break.  I knew this was going to be a long trip and I didn't have a great attitude either.  We kept on going up and up and fairly often we'd have to stop and let me catch my breath.  Half of the group started to go on ahead and a few of the elders stayed with us.  After a couple hours of this, I actually started to feel better for a little bit but then Sister Aitken began to struggle with her legs cramping up.  We both had a difficult time working our way up.  As we got closer, we were so tired.  We weren't sure we could make it.  We came across another hiker coming down who told us the top was only ten more minutes away.  About fifteen minutes later, another hiker passed us and told us if we walked briskly, it would take twenty minutes. 

     We were so discouraged!  My legs were exhausted and my lungs hurt just to breathe.  With the help of our group and encouragement from each other, we were finally able to make it to the top.  We plopped down and rested.  I scarfed down half a sandwich and then took a few pictures.  The view was actually quite impressive.  All around us, we saw mountains and beautiful skies.  It took us about four hours to get to the top.  And we only had so much time left in our trip so we had to head back down pretty quickly after that.  Now it was very hot and we were exhausted.  Our feet hurt and we ran out of water.  My lungs were sore and every breath hurt.  It took us about two hours to get back to the bottom and I wanted to die!  I couldn't believe that I made it.  There have been times where I have really pushed myself but I had never pushed myself so hard before, physically.

     When we got to the bottom, the rest of our group was waiting with water for us.  Everyone was talking about how great this experience was.  I didn't feel that way.  The view was fine but I didn't think it was worth all that we had to go through.  My attitude throughout the hike was pretty terrible.  I complained and whined (sometimes joking around, sometimes not), and received much more encouragement than I gave to others.  It was fun to spend time with other missionaries but I never wanted to endure that kind of pain again. 

     So what did I learn from this experience?  One, that I am not a hiker.  Two, that I am actually a lot stronger than I thought I was.  I am pretty proud of myself for making it to the top and having endured what I did.  I also learned that having a good attitude is something that would have made the trip more enjoyable for me... and for the people who stayed back with me.  I know I couldn't have done it alone and I wish I would have shown my gratitude to them by being more positive and encouraging through their trials on the hike.

     I think this is a lot like life.  We are strong enough to endure the things that come up in our lives.  God gives us the ability to accomplish all sorts of things that seem impossible sometimes.  As we go through each experience, we learn what we are capable of and what we can do better next time... not that I'll be hiking again any time soon :)  But the next time I am faced with a mountain to climb, I hope I can have the kind of attitude that will lift those around me (rather than wait for others to lift me up.)  And I hope that I can show love to those around me and help them to enjoy life the way that they have helped me!  It's amazing to me how God wants to help us all the time, to be better and to be happy.  He wants to help us overcome our mountains.  And many times in my life, it has been the people around me who help push me up.

God Loves Us!

     Sometimes it is easy to forget how much our Heavenly Father loves us.  I know I do forget and often even ask why he gives me certain responsibilities or trials.  I feel sometimes that when I am facing hard times, that He is further away... and that I am alone.  But really, He gives us these experiences because He loves us.  And if we think about, He gives us a challenge or correction and then what?  He wants to see how we handle it.  So He watches us, probably more intently than usual, to see how we will respond and what He can do to help us through it. 

     "I would like to speak of one particular attitude and practice we need to adopt if we are to meet our Heavenly Father’s high expectations. It is this: willingly to accept and even seek correction.  Paul said of divine correction or chastening, “For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth” (Hebrews 12:6). Though it is often difficult to endure, truly we ought to rejoice that God considers us worth the time and trouble to correct."   

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/as-many-as-i-love-i-rebuke-and-chasten?lang=eng

     "God uses another form of chastening or correction to guide us to a future we do not or cannot now envision but which He knows is the better way for us. President Hugh B. Brown, formerly a member of the Twelve and a counselor in the First Presidency, provided a personal experience. He told of purchasing a rundown farm in Canada many years ago. As he went about cleaning up and repairing his property, he came across a currant bush that had grown over six feet (1.8 m) high and was yielding no berries, so he pruned it back drastically, leaving only small stumps. Then he saw a drop like a tear on the top of each of these little stumps, as if the currant bush were crying, and thought he heard it say:  “How could you do this to me? I was making such wonderful growth. … And now you have cut me down. Every plant in the garden will look down on me. … How could you do this to me? I thought you were the gardener here.”

     President Brown replied, “Look, little currant bush, I am the gardener here, and I know what I want you to be. I didn’t intend you to be a fruit tree or a shade tree. I want you to be a currant bush, and someday, little currant bush, when you are laden with fruit, you are going to say, ‘Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for loving me enough to cut me down.’”

(- Elder D. Todd Christofferson, As Many as I Love, I Rebuke and Chasten, April 2011)

     Just like the little currant bush, we can even be offended by what life events our Father in Heaven puts in front of us.  But as the gardener in the story, God already knows who he wants us to be.  We have to trust in Him and let Him lead us through.  And as we follow His will for us, we will actually have the potential to be who He would have us be.

     I know that our Heavenly Father loves us!  Jesus Christ is evidence of that love and through Christ we can become who He knows we can be.  Our views of our life and of ourselves are so limited and biased.  Trust in the path that the Lord has given us.  It is the only way! (2 Nephi 31:21)