Last time I talked about some of the things I have learned because of my nemesis, Heart Mountain. Well, it seems as though there was more to learn. It's been a while now since we made the hike. Sister Aitken and I are grateful for our full recovery from that day, although it did take some time.
This last week or so, I had been having a hard time (more so with myself than with anyone else.) I felt discouraged and knew that I was not fulfilling my potential as a missionary. Sister Aitken and I decided we were going to make some changes. We wanted to set some goals. Yesterday, when we were talking, she related our goals to Heart Mountain. If certain people weren't pushing us up that mountain, we would have given up. We wouldn't have made it even close to all the way...
And I can be a lot like a chameleon sometimes. My personality is in there somewhere but many times I can become a different person, depending on who I am around. This is not something I am super proud of but I am aware that it is one of my traits. And I know we can't go through this life alone. I'm not saying I have to do it all alone. But how can I live my life, always relying on someone else to make me better? So, I got to thinking... Who am I when no one else is around? Who am I when no one else is influencing me? Who do I want to be?
I know that I need to learn how to push myself. First, I needed to figure out who I want to be and what I'll have to do differently to be that person. Here are the three things that I decided I need to work on at this point in my life:
1. I want to stop being selfish and be able to forget myself more.
2. (which goes along with 1) I want to have charity; pure, unconditional, Christlike love for everyone.
3. I want to be diligent. Even when I'm tired or discouraged, I want to be strong and put one foot in front of the other.
So I set some goals and posted them up on my wall in my room.
Last night and today, I have already had opportunities to make a choice. Unexpected things came up and we had to choose who we wanted to be, because no one else would force us. Today, I'm proud of myself for making some good choices. But I think there will be opportunities every single day, where I will have to make that choice. Changes take time, but they are not impossible! This will be a process but I know I can improve and make positive changes. I know that because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ I can be forgiven and become more like Him.
Being a chameleon is nothing to be ashamed of just as long as it is done with the intent to be able to relate to people. It doesn't mean you have to embrace or do what they are doing if it is contrary to your standards and values. I think of being a chameleon as one that can adapt well to different situations and different people. Food for thought. Sure love you! Keep it up! ~Sis V
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